I’m now of the age

when my body’s a cage

and I’m forced to take stock of amounts

like cholesterol rates

and the beats my heart makes,

not to mention my current sperm count.

And I wonder sometimes

about those whose sad lives

depend on the salaries earned

from my medical plan:

(calculators in hand)

the technicians that tally my sperm.

With intense concentration

and strong magnification

These accountants count heads, undeterred.

Why, the patience it takes

fairly makes my heart break

for these workers that tally my sperm.

Though their labor’s made easier

by the digital tweezer

and techniques they’ve undoubtedly learned,

gathering accurate quotes o’

each spermatozoa

must exhaust those who tally the sperm.

And to not miss a ONE?

When all’s said and done

a steep goal like a tall pachyderm!

My eternal thanks goes

to those steely-eyed souls–

the bean-counters that tally my sperm.

– Jim Meskimen